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  • thewayofthewag

CoolWag Cartoon

Name: Hairy the Wag

Character: He is the coolest, smartest, most well-trained, wise-ass dog in the world. Yet, his failures can be massive.

He is loosely based on a dog named Hairy who regularly comes to CoolWag and other old family dogs of the past. He's a mischievous dog, nick-named “Punk”, that chases cars, will fetch anything thrown, and was once threatened to be shot by a neighbor.

Hairy is a big sports fan with great leaping ability and plays in the DFL (Dog Football League). Although he's a little small to become a pro player, he often teaches the rookies about the physics of the fetch pass.

His humans had him DNA tested and the results came back 42% Irish Terrier, 22% German Shepherd, 18% Toy Poodle, 7% Doberman Pincher, and 11% other types of mutt. In general conversations at the bar with his fellows, he omits the Toy Poodle part.

He is formally trained at the University of CoolWag and now that he has his Doctorate Degree, he passes on his knowledge to the new pups coming to CoolWag.

He once took an Anger Management class at CoolWag because of his behavior with delivery men and trick or treaters. The trigger of his anger is and always will be doorbells.

He flirts with danger and hunts bumblebees and white-tailed deer. He was once stung on the tongue and said he liked the pain.

His service dog training was not fulfilling enough, so he self-taught himself to speak English. He has around 400 words in his vocabulary and he has mastered a Southern Draw accent because he wanted to impress a certain hot Border Collie from Alabama.

He is very street smart too. He knows not to lick the yellow snow and not to drink from a yellow toilet bowl. Only clear water.

He is somewhat of a lady's dog and has been known to bring his girlfriends in heat back home for a little romance. However, there are some females so repulsed by him that he has been paw smacked across the face more than once. He is always a gentleman and treats his women with respect, but there is a bad boy in his pheromones and some of his bitches will follow him into his doghouse without question.

He blames his excess pee marking on his mutt genes. He will pee over another dogs pee because deep down he thinks he is cooler and he thinks his pee smells better.

He does have his fair share of neurosis and anxieties. He refuses to go to the vet office unless given real hog bacon, not fake bacon made in China. He goes nuts over laser light pens. When stressed he licks and chews on just one toe, and he is known to growl while sleepwalking.

He is a little small for his size, but his ego compensates for it, and is known to stand up to dogs twice his weight. He likes to position and challenge, but when he goes home at night, he is a softy and will cuddle with his humans without hesitation. He is a very good dog!

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